Muffin Top

Some say the muffin top is the best part of the muffin. Well, I'll agree with that. Except when the muffin top is located around the mid section of a chick. When you walk around looking like you're carrying a small inflated intertube underneath your shirt at the waist/hip region, I can't exactly say that you've got the best part of the muffin.

When I was at a local bar last night for dinner, I begin to notice the abundance of muffin top women that came in.  Thus, I felt compelled to draw a picture illustrating the cause and effect cycle of the muffin top. 

Orange Creme Queen

I should seriously be a member of Hershey's marketing team. Especially with my superior MS Paint skills.

Sloth-Me-Down

NOM NOM NOM

Sloth, you are the most ridiculous animal I have ever seen (aside from a stoat). I can't possibly look at you without laughing awkwardly out loud in a room by myself. I mean, just look at what a grotesque mess you are all the time. All that algae on your back and shit.

However, through all of your absurdity, I still have an intense fascination with you. I can't possibly get over those ginormous claws you have. Apparently you use them to defend yourself from predators. Yeah. Right. But I'm sure there's an evolutionary reason for this. If you were actually of decent speed, your species would probably be killed off already as a result of accidental eye-stabbings and related infection.

On another side note, you're freakin' slow as hell. It's so bad you've got algae growing all over you (as I've previously mentioned for effect). Incase you didn't know, it's that green mushy stuff that grows on shit like rocks and trees that doesn't move. EVER.

I've read you have a maximum speed of less than 2 miles per hour? I've seen babies move faster than that.

And you're lazy. You only come out of that tree about once a week just so you can take a dump in a hole you've nicely taken 3 hours to dig. Sweet.

Of course, the matted hair you've got that makes you look like some homeless creep. Classic. I was surprised to learn that unlike a normal animal, your hair grows away from your extremities and towards your body so you can hang upside down all the time like a freak.

Don't even get me started on your face. Apparently deformity is your style. Can't say it's really working for you though.